The Pretenders
Are you a pretender? Do you wish you were something you are not? Do you wish you were someone you are not? Do you wish you had something you don't? I am not saying just because we wish for things and desire things it means we are pretenders. However, if wishes become all encompassing causing you not to perform, or self absorption prevents you from helping others then you may be a pretender too.
For years I was a REALLY REALLY good pretender. I would pretend almost anything. I would pretend I "fit in" with everyone. I would pretend my hair never fell out. I would pretend I was many pounds lighter. I would pretend I didn't come from a dysfunctional home. I would pretend I was "normal". I would pretend I was a very healthy child, who had some health problems. I would pretend my hair was going to come back at any moment "now". I would pretend I didn't wear wigs. I would pretend ..... almost anything.
After years of pretending, I found myself with too many "rules" to live by. Suddenly I had so many rules that I couldn't keep up with my lists to check the "rules" to make sure I was following them. Pretending became exhausting. As I began to let go of the things I "thought I should be" and simple allowed myself to be who and what I was/am, peace and freedom began filling my very soul.
I'm still learning not to fall into my "pit of pretending". Some days are easier than others. I have learned the older I get that I am best to keep things simple. My goals for the day are usually quite simple... PRAY... PLAN... and PERFORM part of my plan. I search for things to laugh at during each day, because laughter truly is good medicine. Sometimes I laugh with my young nephews (the oldest one is 4). Sometimes I laugh with friends, family, and colleagues. Sometimes I search books and emails to find things to laugh at.
There are days I still wish I had hair. However, the thought no longer rules my life. I used to make sure every outfit I wore matched down to my underwear!! I was so color coordinated it would become a topic of conversation. My hair or wig had to be perfectly in place. My panty hose could not have a run in them. My pens, watch, purse, wallet, briefcase, shoes, belt, etc HAD to match. I was a pretender. If I could pretend this part of my life was "perfect" then I was doing good, really good.
Now... I do good to wear hair everyday. Somedays I go without any head covering, make up, watch, and somedays I'll carry a green pocketbook with a pink outfit!! WOW.. what a long way I have come!!
I don't believe we are here to be pretenders. Life is not perfect, and if each of us is willing to stand up and simply be who we are I honestly believe there will be much more peace and happiness. Most of the wonderful people I have been blessed by in my life are the "real ones". They simply are who they are, and I KNOW you know people like that. I know you have the strength to do it, if you want to. If I can let go of a lot of my pretenses... I KNOW you can too. I don't know if they will all ever be gone, but I do want to simply be at peace with who I am, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As I have walked this journey as a fellow alopecian I have been able to meet some of the most wonderful REAL people along the way. Some have alopecia and some don't. Some grew up in alcoholic homes, some didn't. Some have great health, and some don't. People who have touched my heart in ways I will never forget simply because they were being who God created them to be, no pretending.
I encourage you to be all that God made you to be, no more and no less. Simple be the best you can for the day. Some days my best is that I never get out of my sweats yet I accomplish an enormous amount of work. Some days my best is simply the best I can do for that day, for that moment. As Dr Phil at www.drphil.com says: "Live in the Moment"!!! I have a long way to go, but I know my life is much freer without so many rules and so much pretending.
A person that I have met along the way that is such an awesome person in dealing with her alopecia is JODI Pliszka. She is no pretender. She has written children's books about hairloss that are a real treat. Incase you would like to visit her website and see what an awesome person she is you can go to www.jodipliszka.npauthors.com.
I say HATS off (wigs too if you want) to letting go of our pretenses, and simply being who we are, as we are, today.
If you would like to share inspiring stories of others you know, I would LOVE to hear from you. You can comment here on my blog site if you would like or you can send me an email at gbsmudski@nc.rr.com.
To Hair, Hope, and Healing,
Gina